Snack's 1967
FUNNY QUOTES
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  • Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
  • If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
  • Operator! Give me the number for 911.
    ~Homer Simpson~
  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said `Are you going to help?` I said, `No, Six should be enough.`
    ~Les Dawson~
  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?
  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
  • Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
    ~Douglas Adams~
  • If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
  • Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
  • What you call dog with no legs?
    Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
  • I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
    ~Henny Youngman~
  • Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
    ~Joey Adams~
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • Boys: No Shirt, No Service
    Girls: No Shirt, No Charge.
  • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
    ~A. Whitney Brown~
  • You laugh because I'm different...
    I laugh cause I just farted!
  • My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    ~Socrates~
  • There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
  • There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
    ~Benjamin Franklin~
  • It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    ~VOLTAIRE~
  • A drunk is in front of a judge. The judge says, 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says, 'Okay, let's get started.'
  • You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.
  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  • Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
  • I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
  • Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
  • You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
  • Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
    ~African Proverb~
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